Cold Shoulder

I don’t dislike Coldplay – there’s too much motorhome and not enough motorhead about them to get your teeth into a proper huff ‘n’ puff (it’s not like they’re U2 or anything is it)? But I just find them a bit … well – dull dumplings and stodge rock – I suppose. They come across like a grey gaggle of whey faced anonymous bods that would be middle managing if they weren’t making million selling albums like ‘Viva Lavida’.

As Simply Red are to Soul.
As UB40 are to Reggae.
As David Gray is to Bob Dylan.
So Coldplay are to ‘Indie’ anthems

But to paraphrase The Troggs Tapes – sprinkle some fairy dust on the bastards – and they switch Cinderella style from John Major into John Travolta.

Coldplay vs Jacques Lu Cont ‘Clock Your Body’

Coldplay vs Kraftwerk ‘Computer Talk’


19 Responses to “Cold Shoulder”

  1. That “fairy dust” your usin is potent stuff PM!

  2. I’m not sure there’s enough of that stuff to convince me. I liked a few things off their second album a lot – there’s some good associated memories with that one. But I see them and I just want to punch them. It’s some strange gut instinct coming into play.

    I’m going to go back to my nice safe little Northern Soul hangout to escape.


  3. Planet Mondo Says:

    Lil – you can’t beat booty remix, and there’s tons more in the tanks.

    Simon – I’m not a Coldplay fan at all, but do like these unofficial mashup/ reworks. Chis Martin always reminds me of Pike from Dad’s Army. Actually I’ve just remembered I had a letter in Word mag last year about Dad’s Army with rockers playing the parts and I cast Chris Martin as Pike.

    Van Morrison was Capt. Mainwaring
    Bowie was Sgt. Wilson
    Iggy Pop was Jones.
    Pet Shop Boys were the Vicar and Verger.
    Roger Waters was the ARP Warden.

    Can’t remember the rest of the breakdown though.

  4. bleecher Says:

    Nice mash …. 2 things tho mr mondo,

    1, far to many words… COLDPLAY ARE ######### (add in choosen expletive) in massive red letters would do.

    2, i have to defend UB40 a little… the first album ‘signing off’ is masterfull edgy nasty dub, aggreed anything after that was toss but that first album is brilliance, they just got fat and lazy REALLY FAST!

    fella from sparks as the ‘spivvy one’

  5. Axe Victim Says:

    Now lets get one thing perfectly straight. Coldpaly might be a pile of cack, and indeed I think they are, but there are plenty of women and effeminate men out there who think that they are brilliant. It’s not fer nutin’ that they are in the record books this week for unit shifting. You gots ta take your hat off to ’em. I’d settle for half a percent of what they shiffted this week.

  6. Always thought they were dull… i find it depressing that the ‘yoof’ of today think this is where it’s at. It’s just as likely my dad would like it…

    I cant believe we’re at a point in time now where son come home to (old punk) dad with a Coldplay album “wot the bleedin ell is this son?? it’s got a tune, i can hear all the words, no swearing??? WIFE??? where did we go sooo wrong??”

    Axe – and THAT is the most depressing thing… Just like our ‘one-town-looks-just-like another’ culture of bland cinemas, chain restuarants etc, even the music for the masses sounds like everything else. Music you don’t have to think too hard about… lovely.


  7. Axe Victim Says:

    And let’s not forget tribute bands eh P? All part of the same problem. Why only today I read that The Australian Pink Floyd were reviewed in Classic Rock magazine. WTF is that all about?

  8. Planet Mondo Says:

    Bleech – I’ve heard a couple of good reports of that UB40 album (but his voice jars a bit).

    RE Dad’s Army – I had Pete Doherty as the Spiv bloke (Walker).

    AV – It’s all well and good shifting units, but what sort of gumps are buying it?

    Did you spot the Magic Ship reference in the pic?

    P – There should be a new category for these sort of bantam weight musical ninnies – rock blands, and pooper groups

    Did you spot The Damned reference in the pic?

  9. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9….20,21,22,23,….
    sorry I counting the ways I detest coldfishplay. Being popular is no excuse some times crowds aren’t very wise. Why when the world is full of music you’ve not heard and will never have enough time to lsiten to it all would you listen to bland £moon in june” loud quiet redundant crud like coldturkeyplay. They and their ilk are just so other exposed its painful. The cover of their cd is makes cy blood beore I’ve een herd a note chirs martin is the sort of annoying Tw*t you tried to avoid at student discos.I’ll stop now coz they’ve won cox i’ve ranted about them for 5minutes.

  10. ps sorry for the rubbish typing.

  11. Planet Mondo Says:

    BL – soothe your jangled nerves with a blast of those Coldplay bootleg remixes – they’re really quite good (and I can’t stand Coldplay)

  12. Roman Empress Says:

    Goodness knows, they need a little something don’t they? They went to the same university as me, so I feel a bit of loyalty there, as I do with Gervais and Karl Marx and Gandhi for the same reason. Hehe.
    Nice mixes.

  13. Axe Victim Says:

    That’s no excuse RE. I went to the same school as Mitch Michell. Doesn’t mean – hang on, there’s a thread in all of this…

  14. Planet Mondo Says:

    I went the same school as Paul Webb from Talk Talk (I used to pop round his house) and the same Art College as Depeche Mode- there’s definitley a thread in this somewhere!

  15. Same school as the Kemps from Spandau and (I win) Zammo from Grange Hill!!!

  16. I went ot the same school as the drummer form Saxon’s daughter 😦

  17. Planet Mondo Says:

    BL, Simon and AV

    I’ve just started a post on The Word site about ‘Old School Rockers’ if you want to jump in.

  18. Axe Victim Says:

    Well that’s killed it then…

  19. Just seen the Ship reference. Erm LOL (my first ever use of LOL)

    Coldplay. My theory is you always need something for people who don’t really like music (Sade, Phil Collins, Dido, etc.)to buy.

    Former bass playing pupils of my school:
    Andy Fraser – Free
    Glen Matlock – Pistols
    Mikey Craig – Culture Club
    and me.
    I have no loyalty to Culture Club though.

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